Be Saved

Have you been to the university campus where, while sitting on a bench, a student comes to ask you this question, “Have you accepted Christ already?” Having been deep in your own thoughts, you simply gape at the speaker. Then the student will invite himself to a seat near you and keeps rattling on like the-world’s-going-to-explode in a short while. (Well, if you have much time to share, you may listen and have a small talk.) Problem is, even if you say that you’re busy and that you want to be alone, the student insists to stay for more moments… then, he gets the bible and reads some marked lines and interprets it for you. Otherwise he tells you outright that you won’t be saved. Well… some people are turned off with this approach that they walk out; others straightforwardly tell them that they do not want to be disturbed, and there are those who simply tolerate them politely.

I can see that in Christian schools, there are really youth prayer-group members convincing their classmates to join them. These members have to be sensitive also to the reactions of others. One time, I heard two students arguing because the preacher told her that she won’t be saved because she didn’t spare a little time listening to the preaching or whatever they call it. Wow, hooh! It’s very judgmental to say that to another as much as it is so rude.

If you feel like sharing how the amazing grace found you… go ahead, this is a free country. Just don’t forget that no one is morally better than another in the eyes of the Most High. Ah-ah, think about these lines from Jesus, “But whoever says, “You fool!” shall be in danger of the fires in hell…” or these, “whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Those are mistakes that none is exempted but the hypocrites. So, will it not be nicer if we rather invite without judging or condemning? I heard a brother say that ‘if the Holy Spirit is working in the heart of the sinner, not even another soul is needed to help;’ although oftentimes God has a way of conducting His graces through another person too.

Father Efren Condino once said to our prayer group, “You cannot always interpret the bible literally because some lines are allegorical. It were better if somebody older than you who can shed light on it is with your group because if the interpretation of the phrase is wrong then the person will likely end up doing the opposite instead of what is right. Like when some people kill themselves because they read in the bible that Jesus said, ‘…it was better for the person to tie a grindstone to his neck and throw himself to sea…’ Without looking into the whole context of the message, they misinterpreted the line to commit a suicide. See?”

So, dear brothers and sisters, while it is good to read the Holy Bible and follow the teachings of Jesus, let us always have tact in calling the attention of another person to the Christian way. We may be the channel through which God’s graces flow to save a fellow but we can also be an instrument for the other to lose that ‘warmth in the faith;’ the miracle of changing a person’s heart is beyond us, it is in God’s healing hands; the power to save is not within us either, it has already been done by Christ – it is in God’s perfect Spirit of Love… We are only around to continue to witness His greatness and testify to his goodness.

Love on the Rebound

Love begets love, so goes the saying. However love unrequited sometimes jumps back to another hand. Nothing can be more painful than unreciprocated love and none can be graver than love on rebound.

Over a month ago, I talked to the wife of an architect. She claims to be a constant reader of my column. She asked for our meeting even if we have not been closer than an acquaintance on the Google mails. On the phone she seemed so lively and I felt her sincerity in asking for an appointment that I gave in without second thoughts. We met two days after that in a restaurant just a little outside the city. We can call her Bany (not her real name but she hoped for me to write this).

Without a preamble during our meal, she burst into tears. It puzzled me but, in between sobs, she explained. Her story…

This woman is married to the architect for about twenty years now. They have two children – a college junior and a high school sophomore. Within the early years of their union, she knew all the while that she was not the girl in her husband’s heart when they got married although she was already pregnant. Her husband told her outright during their very first date that he had strong feelings for another girl, Nicel, (not the real name) but it was a case of an unrequited love. At that time too Bany was getting over a lost love. Her former boyfriend had just jilted her. It seemed, she said, that they met at the right time. So, they married believing that they would ultimately fall in love in the end.

Last summer, their family went on a vacation in New Washington, Aklan. Her husband saw the girl he used to have been in love 22 years before. She was with her three children occupying the executive suite located on the upper floor of the resort building where the family of Bany was staying. They’re a day ahead. Bany was told that they’re waiting for her husband to come a week after because he’s coming from Manila yet. Sadly, for Bany, she noticed a great change in her husband. He’s always been on the pool where the family of Nicel often hangs out. Otherwise he’d scamper down the beach catching up with them strolling. Bany confronted him with this but all through their stay there they only quarreled. One good thing was, when Nicel’s husband came, they transferred to another resort. In fairness to Nicel, she was really pretty and friendly but Bany refused to get acquainted with them. Deep down, she was so hurt. She felt that Nicel has taken her husband’s time away from them during that summer retreat of the family. Another thing, she bought several mobile phone SIMs in order to send nasty messages to Nicel who didn’t bother to respond in the same manner. Instead Nicel offered a friendly appointment. This bothered Bany even more because Nicel seemed so confident with herself.

Why then did she want to meet this writer? She wanted to talk to someone who doesn’t know her husband and having read the articles in Trivia about family matters she thought that I may understand her plight. I did.

Incidentally, I know Nicel so well and her husband too. They’re a happy duo and their children are very sociable too. I assured Bany that she has nothing to worry about her husband being taken by Nicel. I informed her also (if it might help) that Nicel’s husband had been her only boyfriend and will always be her one and only love for life. What about those malicious text messages that Bany sent? I assured her that Nicel will understand because she is a family counselor.

I met Nicel last 24th of June on a lunch date with friends. I mentioned the name, Bany, and she got so excited saying that she knows the other lady by name “because she is a college classmate’s wife.” She wished to come across Bany another time so they can be friends rather than be ‘distant and unproductive acquaintances.’

“Well, nothing beats friendship! What God has joined together, let no man part for any reason. Let the wives trust their husbands and husbands must prove themselves to be worthy of their partner’s trust. Today when men find it easy to stray, let the wife’s love be the binding power that holds him back to the family. Let their children be the reminder of the joys they have for having each other. Couples have to strive together to be at peace with each other even while going through the pains of healing of painful memories. They should learn to see beyond the minor mistakes in order to apply forgiveness. You’ll be amazed at the intensity of its magic.” Those were Nicel’s lines.

Insecurities? Oh, forget it. In the lives of couples, unless they went through trying circumstances, their life will be dull. Sometimes there are people who will seek to destroy some union but it is always the couple’s choices and decisions that count. Lest we forget, nothing can harm us if we do not permit them; nothing can hurt us unless we allow it to.

Finally, to the wives and husbands out there… strive for a happier home. Fill it with love for each other and let it overflow outside the small circle of the home to others. Someday, you’ll just find out that you did the right thing. Why wait for Valentine’s Day? Start right now! Say, “I love you…” to your partner. Hahaha! Good luck.

Superstition Saves

A relative once told me about how he was saved with the aid of a kutitot—our local native pepper known for its pungency and biting effect on one’s mouth.
He was an Army soldier.  His unit was assigned at the CHICKS area in Negros Occidental at the height of the anti-insurgency campaign in the late 1980’s.  CHICKS stands for the six (6) municipalities, namely: Cauayan, Hinobaan, Ilog, Candino, Kabankalan, and Sipalay. 
On that day, they were to conduct a routine combat patrol.  Everything appeared normal.  But he was tense and he had an upset stomach.  He thought that maybe it had something to do with the chorizo they ate for breakfast.  He packed up his things—rifle, ammunition, biscuits, and all. He was ready.
They assembled at their camp’s take-off area.  There were 15 of them in all.  Their team leader gave his last-minute instructions—he too looked tense.  He was edgy and nervous.  After a little more than 5 minutes, the briefing was over.  But it did not end with the usual YES SIRs being shouted by the men gathered.  Instead, their team leader showed them his palm filled with pieces of kutitot pepper.  There was no need for instructions on what should they do next—everybody just came forward, took a piece, and chew it in his mouth. 
My relative did not feel anything.  There was no pungency.  There was no hot chili effect.  Five other comrades felt the same.  The team leader must have felt nothing too. He announced that he was delaying their jump-off by one hour.  And so they waited.
As they were about to go, their radio communication received a frantic call for assistance.  Four (4) CAFGU members had just been waylaid by the NPA.  The incident happened at a steep road section which their team had intended to pass through.  The ambush was meant for them.  The CAFGUs just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.  Had they gone earlier, they would have been the ones ambushed.

Coincidence? Maybe... maybe not. Believe that it saved them.

Sex Education for Children?

Teen-age pregnancies have risen to a confounding number recently. This upsetting upward trend has alarmed those who are so concerned with the well-being of the youth. Why is this so? Evidently something has to be done to control this.

It is obvious that the conservative attitudes of the Filipino women have radically given way to the modern, aggressive traits of the women in the western and the European regions. With the craze of working outside the country or visiting other places in the world, the cool thing is to be up to date in the global affairs. That is to be open to the fashionable things that the other youth groups in the popular places outside our country do. So the passion of our young ones to emulate the ‘chic fashion’ – from the style of dressing, the lingo, points of view, manners and  even the way of handling growing up pressures and difficulties are closely observed and followed.

The young ones apparently learn it through their readings or from the idiot box (we call TV) they so cherish in their living rooms. Children almost always fall victim to these things. The telenovelas they follow show how teens openly display affection wherever or whenever they wanted to. More often it is without regard to ethical behavior and decency. Extramarital and incestuous relationships are dignified by the writers of these stories; condoned by the producers and liked by the viewers. Advertisements show how feminine sexuality attracts and how masculinity is proven by having strings of women screwed in a little time. Even teen magazines that are supposedly wholesome and enlightening give information that are really instructional but to the detriment of the values of our youth. Why do they publish it, air it or dramatize these junks? Come on, it is innate in men to be curious about what two people do in private. So they give it to the public. Other teens are more inclined to experiment as several of them do not even have the knowledge of the gravity of its actual consequences. Worse, female teens are easy prey to the adventurous males of their age.

It’s been repeatedly alluded in the pulpits, told to parents and taught to the young that there is never something passé in the moral values of man; however, the truth remains that there is that changing of the individual’s outlook and attitude relative to his education, environment, and  life experiences. The biggest factors though in his/her behavior is his or her family and home atmosphere.

The legislators and the Department of Education expressly find it best to make human sexuality part of the whole curriculum so that the youth will learn the human sexual reproduction system and process without malicious connotations in it. Very good! We remind them then that the readiness of the younger ones in the elementary years to learn about sex or sexuality varies even as they belong to the same grade level or section. It is not just like saying, “Boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina.” There’s more to it that every hands-on parent can attest when the child begins a tirade of queries. Therefore, utmost care in introducing the matter to them is a must. Otherwise it will be a counterproductive effort on the part of the adults again. So, how do we know that children are ready to learn about something?

The rule is, when children begin to ask questions about anything; then they’ll be receptive to the knowledge taught pertaining to it.
Question: Need we be alarmed about the teens getting pregnant? Yes, regardless of how modern and updated we may be in science and technology. That is, of course, for the main reason that a child cannot be so responsible for the security of another child that might come out of an illicit and immature union.
Should we leave it to the hands of the mentors alone? No. Parents, especially mothers, should be responsible in teaching the gender of children at home and inculcating in them the values of self-respect so that they’ll know what responsibility they have of their sexuality that comes with accountability to themselves, their family, and the community. On top of all these, lay down a good spiritual foundation to make them strong. Why? A God-fearing person is more likely to be steadfast amidst peer pressures.

Again, sex is a delicate matter to discuss with children so that proper care in handling the questions is advised. Now tell me, who is better able to give a sound counsel to the young ones?  Of course, YOU, who love them with no conditions plus those who are genuinely concerned with the way they live. Talk to your children. Reach out to them with love, affection and compassion. Be their friend, Teach them and bid them to love and respect themselves… or would you rather want them to learn from their peers who are just as confused as they are… or worse, the kanto?