Kiddie Views

The careless vibrancy of youth, the mellow joys of mid-life and the serenity of old age… and then, we look at the new life with authority and wisdom.

Our house in the farm is surrounded by more or less 50 mango trees; about half its number are bamboo trees in the western side, and in the eastern side are other fruit trees which are just taller than the mangoes. A few years back, we have stayed in this farm house longer when our children were still in the grade school. The pace of life was not so fast then and things were not so complicated as it is now.

On summers when most of the fruit trees are in bloom, my son, enjoyed going about the area with his Dad who was so entertained by our boy’s endless ‘Why’s.’ One time in their early morning stroll he said, “Dad, I noticed that while all other trees are flowering before summer, most of our mango trees are turning over new leaves while the bamboos over there are shedding off their own. Why is it, dad?”

That was twelve years ago when he had a lot of questions to ask. Now, he’d rather explain it to others and he has a better answer which is precisely the more complete one – “That’s the cycle of life,” he’d begin and embark on his explanation. “Trees, unlike us do not toil, nor do they wander for their own place under the sun. They are placed by one hand where they are and are left to survive; yet, they complain not as they go through their harsh environment under the heat, rain and storm. They turn over a new leaf as each season changes. They shed them off at its turn and take pride in its blossoms when the time comes. Trees when well cared bring in more fruits. It’s sort of giving back the kindness to the owner who cared for them. Its seeds will grow to another life.”

Lately, my teen-age son and I were walking the narrow path leading from the house to the bamboos when he suddenly chuckled. He remembered how his Dad and I made him believe that the bamboos were the elders, the other fruit trees were the middle aged members and the mangoes occupying the adjacent hills were the teen-agers of the ‘Tree Community.’ The hagonoy vines and cogon grasses in the other hills were the scalawags ready to take over their places should we stop caring for the trees. We laughed at the personifications and metaphors until we reached the lone sineguelas tree laden with fruits glued to the leafless branches. Mimicking his Dad’s voice, he said, “See that one? Sometimes, you have to shed off your adornments, bare yourself and put everything down in order for the Great Provider to beautify you with good things.”

“God is perfect,” my second daughter once argued, “but we all trip and fall sometimes in our humanness. Anyway, we can pray for strength and courage each time…even if we can never emulate Jesus to perfection.”

Yes, we are imperfect but love and caring from those who love us will pull us up together with our lost pride whenever we fall. “However,” added my elder daughter, “faith in the Unseen Hand that heals us will make us fruitful.”

Hearing all these from the kids… I believe that the world will be a beautiful place for them to live in. After all, it starts from the heart that the mouth utters thus.

Matters of the Heart

Last Friday, some college friends called for an unplanned reunion. It was great to feel young ‘at heart’ again but really, the magic of the malls was soon forgotten when we ended in a movie marathon in Lourdes’ place.

The old films when viewed with friends seem to have another meaning. It’s so like college movie review again that after every video CD a short discussion ensued. Funny thing is, the old movies were romantically done in this order: Moulin Rouge, The Other Boleyn Girl, and Love in the Time of Cholera.

Moulin Rouge is about a story of a known French nightclub that accommodated the self-indulgent elite of society where Satine (the beautiful star) was the stunning courtesan that fires up the intimate desires of all the men who came in contact with her until she accidentally met a struggling writer who also fell in love with her. Their love affair sparked an explosive consequence that a very influential man, who is also obsessed with Satine, wanting to end the passion of the lovers brought the movie to the tragic end.

The Other Boleyn Girl is a movie based on the life of the two sisters, Anne and Mary Boleyn, who had been part of King Henry VIII’s life. It tells of the interesting sensual tales of intrigues, romance, passion and betrayals set on those crucial moments of history of that country. It marked the covetousness of the ambitious father and uncle of the sisters who drove the girls to courting the affections of the King of England that made Mary the mistress of King Henry VIII and ultimately brought Anne to the seat of the Queen, which finally took her to her death.

Love in the Time of Cholera tells about love born in the outbreak of cholera somewhere in Southern America. It was between two teen-agers where they were forced to separate because of social status. The girl married a doctor who treated her from the suspected dreaded disease and they lived a good life. Later however, the marriage was marred by a brief affair of the doctor with a church worker. The boy, with the help of an uncle soon became rich too. Ultimately, the long wait of the gentleman was ended when his lady love was widowed.

We did enjoy the movies as much as we enjoyed the afternoon with home-cooked sopas, oatmeal cookies and baked cashew nuts. Indeed, the world will grow old but human nature doesn’t change at all; nor men’s desires and idiosyncrasies. Moreover, despite the wealth and fame and honors that there may be, love will still be felt.

So, there is truth in the maxim that there is no age limit to romanticism and dreaming, that we dislike people who separate lovers for whatever reason it stands, and we hate them who put a finger on the matters of the heart of others even if it were for the grandest ambition for the family and even that of the nation.

“Aswang”

Our region has a lot of superstitious beliefs about supernatural beings and paranormal events that bind our people tightly into immobility even amidst progress.

                    Some places have a reputation tagged with its name as inhabited by folks with cannibalistic instincts or in the local dialect ‘aswangs.’ They possess powers more than an ordinary person, so that they can hex their prospect victim if they choose. The other one will fall to them if he has no counter charm.
In the rural areas there are seruanos who advise them that the aswangs can be discouraged to hurt by a ginger/garlic inside the pocket. Aswangs often go out at midnight, and transform themselves into any fowl or animal to ensnare their prey. The best indication that there is one lurking about the area is the sound of the tik-tik. It’s a bird-like shrill sound that is most common in the farm. At night the aswang can be driven away by burning rubber outside the house. The bitter herb, manunggal, when placed under the bed, outside the window or outside the doors of the house will also be helpful. The best way to know an aswang is to look at the pupil of the eyes of the suspect - if your reflection there is turned upside down then you are positively face to face with one.
The aswang thing is a case of romantically fabled rural and urban belief in our region. These unfounded beliefs limit some folks from developing close interaction with their neighbors because of prejudices, and plain unfairness of public judgmental opinion. In fact, these superstitions can bar them from developing any meaningful relationships. The tales of these beings are always told with relish by the older people especially at night thus - young ones conjure fearsome images in their minds. Whether true or not… it’s up to you to decide.
If they do exist, why don’t we just request them to eliminate the ‘bad’ and the ‘evil’ elements in the government? That will make them useful and praiseworthy; moreover, it may purge society with evil doers. We can remind the ‘bad’ people to be good too:

PAG ‘BAD’ KA, LAGOT KA… SA ASWANG! 

Fair enough?

The Joys and Pains of Motherhood

“The hands that rock the cradle, rock the world…”
 Motherhood is the only role of women that can never be exchanged with the men nor can it be bought and never can it be undermined. To be a mother is to give birth to a new life; to nurture it to health and goodness; to challenge it to grow to a balanced proportion in all aspects; and to guide it to be a productive member of the society where it shall belong until a new cycle begins. As mothers carry out their roles, they have to face a lot of choices that may drive them to give up some things they would rather want to do, or they may choose that which they want (like career advancement, going abroad, expanding a business and etc) than do mothering.
I met old pals the other day at the mall and among other things we discussed were what happened after we parted from college – from job hunting then, employment, travels, marriage, business, and motherhood. There is no fitting time for me to share the experience with you than now. So bear with me guys.
In school we used to express our plans for the future and we had to face realities in our individual lives after that. We remembered Grace, known to be my elder sister. She was so vocal about how she wanted to land a job soon then settle and have a family with four or six children. She had gone abroad, and pursued her dream earlier than she wished for but she only had one child from the union. Unfortunately, she was murdered by looters thus leaving her one and only pre-school boy Larry, my hijado) to her sisters to care for. The boy has grown to be a good man. Today, we can only remember what a caring, loving and good mother she was.
Ella was a chemist who went to the US for six years and returned here to marry a childhood friend and be a mother of three boys. Life here in the Philippines was not so good to them financially that she decided to go back to the US barely a month after giving birth to the third child. The children were left to the care of the husband, a farmer, who passed away after about two years. The children were taken to their uncle for care while Ella remained abroad to send them money for their needs. The uncle is her late husband’s only sibling. They were both orphans and Ella is an only child too. The uncle married a city girl and her boys experienced maltreatment every time the uncle is away. Ella never knew how his boys fared because she believed that her money sent monthly was enough to cover up for their needs in her absence. Unfortunately, when she came home three months ago, it was to settle some misdeeds of her eldest child in school. The second boy is into drugs and the third is still in high school, a bit effeminate but is quite okay. According to Ella, “I must have made the wrong choice in the past because of economic needs. My children wanted me to stay for good now. I have savings too and it may be enough for a small business. Do you think that if I stayed, my boys were any different?” 
Lucille was the most carefree among us and she married a bit later. She had a girl in college and two boys in high school who are all on top of their class. She worked as a division head of a reputable bank before but she resigned after giving birth to their second child. She worked full time as wife and mother for many years now and she said, “It was quite hard for me to give up a career at first but soon, I began to discover the joys of a hands-on mother and I got addicted to it. It was not easy to receive visiting friends who, later, would criticize you to be so pale because you have not even a time to powder your nose. Well, there were times too when your husband will forbid you to come to his office with the kids or comment on their former secretary who is flirting in the mobile phone at midnight because that might create a gap between division projects. DUH! I knew it was a temporary role because the kids will grow up too and probably leave us to have a family of their own but looking back and comparing the decision I had… I’ll do it again. The only sad thing about it is, I am not so rich as our other friends and my in-laws think that I am less than all of them who are in the government service. Hmm, who cares?  After all I brought forth a humane man and that’s more than a mountain that labored but brought forth a mice. Honestly, no happiness can equal the joy when my kids take pride in introducing me as ‘my mother, friend, and teacher’ to their friends.”
Indeed, motherhood seems easy but in truth it is a labor of love expecting nothing back. Mothers do what they ought to do and they do it in their own special way, yet, however manner it is done, mothers do it for love. If mothering is bereft of love, then the woman is not a mother at all. The measure is –
“We can only be good as mothers as much as how good we were mothered when we were children”

Chain Messages

“… this letter was written by Saint … please don’t break the chain. Send to 20 people in one day or you will have bad luck for 20 years…”

 Chain messages come daily in mobile phones when in the past they were sent through the snail mail. The sender do not usually write their names.

Always, these messages would wish you well at the beginning then it will explain where it started or who started it but in the end you will read that you are doomed  if you do not do what is asked of you. It ranges from losing a job, getting sick, losing a loved  one or worse you will lose your life… if you do not beat the deadline stated in the message.

Since childhood, we were made to believe that OUR GOD is a God of mercy, a happy God, the God of LOVE… and thus He will stay forever. My late grandmother, Francisca,(father side) will tell us stories about how God does something good to the people even if they fell short of His expectations sometimes. My late grandmother, Fausta (mother side) will often remind us that God never fails a trusting soul even in times when the person questions ‘why.’

Every celebration that the Christians are about to enjoy will have before it the chain messages sent to all the  mobile phone users. Who sends these? None can tell but maybe good-meaning friends wish to grab the ‘good luck’ it contains. Problem is, these well wishers also forget that not every friend they have, own their time always because they might be busy in their jobs or that they may not have enough money to e-load their phones. So? That becomes the big question. What if the pal who receives  it cannot spread the message? Will the person take all the brunt of the bad luck? Too bad… it's so harsh!

Contrary to what is embodied in the chain messages that bad luck will befall to the non-believer ( that will be too shallow,) God is not at all that punitive. If He is, then He will be doing the punishment  to all of us because we are never perfect and not one of us is morally better than anyone that a mere chain message can bring us misfortune.

The whole Christendom celebrates the Paschal mystery in the Holy Mass because the salvation that everyone aspires is commemorated. So many chain messages are being sent through the cyberspace as well and inboxes of the mobile phones crowd with them. May we not forget the Power that our God possesses, His unending kindness, endless love and unquenchable mercy.

May the friends who are so fond of chain messages be reminded too that  we must be discerning in forwarding messages to our friends. Think about this:

If the message can’t make a good day for you, why give a bad day to others?

Be Saved

Have you been to the university campus where, while sitting on a bench, a student comes to ask you this question, “Have you accepted Christ already?” Having been deep in your own thoughts, you simply gape at the speaker. Then the student will invite himself to a seat near you and keeps rattling on like the-world’s-going-to-explode in a short while. (Well, if you have much time to share, you may listen and have a small talk.) Problem is, even if you say that you’re busy and that you want to be alone, the student insists to stay for more moments… then, he gets the bible and reads some marked lines and interprets it for you. Otherwise he tells you outright that you won’t be saved. Well… some people are turned off with this approach that they walk out; others straightforwardly tell them that they do not want to be disturbed, and there are those who simply tolerate them politely.

I can see that in Christian schools, there are really youth prayer-group members convincing their classmates to join them. These members have to be sensitive also to the reactions of others. One time, I heard two students arguing because the preacher told her that she won’t be saved because she didn’t spare a little time listening to the preaching or whatever they call it. Wow, hooh! It’s very judgmental to say that to another as much as it is so rude.

If you feel like sharing how the amazing grace found you… go ahead, this is a free country. Just don’t forget that no one is morally better than another in the eyes of the Most High. Ah-ah, think about these lines from Jesus, “But whoever says, “You fool!” shall be in danger of the fires in hell…” or these, “whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Those are mistakes that none is exempted but the hypocrites. So, will it not be nicer if we rather invite without judging or condemning? I heard a brother say that ‘if the Holy Spirit is working in the heart of the sinner, not even another soul is needed to help;’ although oftentimes God has a way of conducting His graces through another person too.

Father Efren Condino once said to our prayer group, “You cannot always interpret the bible literally because some lines are allegorical. It were better if somebody older than you who can shed light on it is with your group because if the interpretation of the phrase is wrong then the person will likely end up doing the opposite instead of what is right. Like when some people kill themselves because they read in the bible that Jesus said, ‘…it was better for the person to tie a grindstone to his neck and throw himself to sea…’ Without looking into the whole context of the message, they misinterpreted the line to commit a suicide. See?”

So, dear brothers and sisters, while it is good to read the Holy Bible and follow the teachings of Jesus, let us always have tact in calling the attention of another person to the Christian way. We may be the channel through which God’s graces flow to save a fellow but we can also be an instrument for the other to lose that ‘warmth in the faith;’ the miracle of changing a person’s heart is beyond us, it is in God’s healing hands; the power to save is not within us either, it has already been done by Christ – it is in God’s perfect Spirit of Love… We are only around to continue to witness His greatness and testify to his goodness.

Love on the Rebound

Love begets love, so goes the saying. However love unrequited sometimes jumps back to another hand. Nothing can be more painful than unreciprocated love and none can be graver than love on rebound.

Over a month ago, I talked to the wife of an architect. She claims to be a constant reader of my column. She asked for our meeting even if we have not been closer than an acquaintance on the Google mails. On the phone she seemed so lively and I felt her sincerity in asking for an appointment that I gave in without second thoughts. We met two days after that in a restaurant just a little outside the city. We can call her Bany (not her real name but she hoped for me to write this).

Without a preamble during our meal, she burst into tears. It puzzled me but, in between sobs, she explained. Her story…

This woman is married to the architect for about twenty years now. They have two children – a college junior and a high school sophomore. Within the early years of their union, she knew all the while that she was not the girl in her husband’s heart when they got married although she was already pregnant. Her husband told her outright during their very first date that he had strong feelings for another girl, Nicel, (not the real name) but it was a case of an unrequited love. At that time too Bany was getting over a lost love. Her former boyfriend had just jilted her. It seemed, she said, that they met at the right time. So, they married believing that they would ultimately fall in love in the end.

Last summer, their family went on a vacation in New Washington, Aklan. Her husband saw the girl he used to have been in love 22 years before. She was with her three children occupying the executive suite located on the upper floor of the resort building where the family of Bany was staying. They’re a day ahead. Bany was told that they’re waiting for her husband to come a week after because he’s coming from Manila yet. Sadly, for Bany, she noticed a great change in her husband. He’s always been on the pool where the family of Nicel often hangs out. Otherwise he’d scamper down the beach catching up with them strolling. Bany confronted him with this but all through their stay there they only quarreled. One good thing was, when Nicel’s husband came, they transferred to another resort. In fairness to Nicel, she was really pretty and friendly but Bany refused to get acquainted with them. Deep down, she was so hurt. She felt that Nicel has taken her husband’s time away from them during that summer retreat of the family. Another thing, she bought several mobile phone SIMs in order to send nasty messages to Nicel who didn’t bother to respond in the same manner. Instead Nicel offered a friendly appointment. This bothered Bany even more because Nicel seemed so confident with herself.

Why then did she want to meet this writer? She wanted to talk to someone who doesn’t know her husband and having read the articles in Trivia about family matters she thought that I may understand her plight. I did.

Incidentally, I know Nicel so well and her husband too. They’re a happy duo and their children are very sociable too. I assured Bany that she has nothing to worry about her husband being taken by Nicel. I informed her also (if it might help) that Nicel’s husband had been her only boyfriend and will always be her one and only love for life. What about those malicious text messages that Bany sent? I assured her that Nicel will understand because she is a family counselor.

I met Nicel last 24th of June on a lunch date with friends. I mentioned the name, Bany, and she got so excited saying that she knows the other lady by name “because she is a college classmate’s wife.” She wished to come across Bany another time so they can be friends rather than be ‘distant and unproductive acquaintances.’

“Well, nothing beats friendship! What God has joined together, let no man part for any reason. Let the wives trust their husbands and husbands must prove themselves to be worthy of their partner’s trust. Today when men find it easy to stray, let the wife’s love be the binding power that holds him back to the family. Let their children be the reminder of the joys they have for having each other. Couples have to strive together to be at peace with each other even while going through the pains of healing of painful memories. They should learn to see beyond the minor mistakes in order to apply forgiveness. You’ll be amazed at the intensity of its magic.” Those were Nicel’s lines.

Insecurities? Oh, forget it. In the lives of couples, unless they went through trying circumstances, their life will be dull. Sometimes there are people who will seek to destroy some union but it is always the couple’s choices and decisions that count. Lest we forget, nothing can harm us if we do not permit them; nothing can hurt us unless we allow it to.

Finally, to the wives and husbands out there… strive for a happier home. Fill it with love for each other and let it overflow outside the small circle of the home to others. Someday, you’ll just find out that you did the right thing. Why wait for Valentine’s Day? Start right now! Say, “I love you…” to your partner. Hahaha! Good luck.